the best dinner, ever.

had the best dinner ever.
not the dishes.
the full complete members for the family.
nothing feels more than a completeness
i will nvr had the chance anymore.
i am happy for them

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tender of resignation

the last day of the engineer.

not long tt we are colleagues.
less than 3 mths.


heavy hearted.
tt he is leaving.
cos everytime i go to him when line has issues or probs.

ngo is too busy to attend to me.
and he is the one alw giving the helping hand.


though less than 3 mths, the sourish feeling is still thr.

i guess this is life. every meeting will have to part.

farewell lunch with the team.

the last tt i saw him was a quick one.
a short hand shake and 'all the best' and then when i got bc to office, he has left...

teresa too, feel the loss.

all the best, hian chee...

typing e-mails would be different from today onwards...

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oh! working life...

what a day i had today.

working hard to meet target. to chase for parts. to meet shipment. to this, to that.

and at the end of the day, remark from my supervisor was,

what the ghost are you doing?!

damn damn damn pissed!

things are in a mess.
not systematic.
things are not tally.
not synchronised.

store, engineers, planners, production shd be in line but all of us are using different systems.
one leads to another. everything is jst so difficult! argh!!!

and production sabo me. telling my supervisor tt they hv highlighted the issue and i did not go chase for it! wth! k, enuf said. nw i noe, hw things work.

on top of tt, today, i see another ugly side.

team work.

yeah rite!

i received a reply from my colleague when i asked for help (k, my supervisor asked me to ask for her help) saying tt everything got to go thru this and tt and during office hr, not allowed to do oth things besides the job scope. arghh!!!

so, this is team work???

i really thought we are working in a team. but no. not today. maybe, we are in a team but in this team, divided into many oth teams....

welcome to the working life. the ugly side of working life.


Category: 1 comments

day 6. 7. 8.

day 6.

u know what i did.


day 7.

same as day 6.

day 8.

stressful day.
tested my patience and in the end exploded.

so so so stubborn my production ppl.

was harsh to them but i dn care.
need to get things done. and right.

so hv to.
scolded them for the first time.
when i am trying hard to get the system on the right track, they js dn seem to follow.

bad bad day today!


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day 5

not a gd day!

had an arguement with the engineer!
all cos of the built of materials dont tally with the work order released by planner and the configurations keep changing, and no one gives a damn abt it!

loop holes here and thr and no one is pathching things up.
and me. got to hunt here and thr for solutions.


k, i miss the production mtg again.

was really too occupied in solving issues than to reporting in the mtg which is such a time waster, sometimes.

what i am happy abt today is tt i get home early! vr much early =]

ronnie kept calling, aft 5.30pm asking if the tools are okay for crossing over this sunday when i was abt to pack to go home. -ugh-

my cut off time is 5.30pm, hello?!

and all this while hv been doing charity. damn pissed alr.
things are mutual. so i gif what i am paid. not more. but i hv been giving more.

i know. ppl going to ask y i nvr claim. y i nvr take the initiative to make claims and all rubbish going to bombard me.

excuse me?! i hv been asking and my colleagues hv been telling me, tt they duno. they dn make claims. my ass!

damn pek chek dyy!!!!

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day 4

tiring day...

had a short mtg wif cw lim, ch low, roslan and norhadi...
on kitting status...

this mth got to hit shipment of 12 and as of today, only 6 shipped and mth end approaching...

glad hearing from u...

btw, got bc home before 8pm, what a record!
could be earlier but was held bc by ronnie...

heard from my colleague he is leaving vr soon...nxt fri...
abit down....

and day 4 without u...

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day 3

the third day without you....

tiring day i had today but it seems tt materials are getting better for production...
attended mtg half an hr late and upon my arrival, they were like, mtg is abt to fin...

and so, mtg was jst half an hr for the day...
ronnie seems to be quite in a gd mood today...
not my main concern...

my priority is more on smth else...

i must be super tired today cos couldnt recognise the way home...
didnt know tt i hv to alight from bus when reached...
stoned till the bus was abt to move away and i quickly ran out...

tt was all for the day...
btw, was really happy tt u made the call when u were shopping...


and tt was the third day without u....

Category: 1 comments

day 2

knowing tt i wont be receiving anymore morning calls from u...

the first thing i did was to check my phone if i received any sms.

i did.

a sigh of relief tt u are fine thr.

greeted by ur call was supposed to cheer me up but it was at the wrong timing.
was hving routine production meeting.

and the nxt call u made was such a harsh one to me.


i hv not been feeling gd. a sense of loss. and smth amiss.
wanted to get bc early but was held bc.

he was ard. and production has got some major issue. but luckily was able to get bc b4 9pm...

and today, he passed me my confirmation letter. which was dated 6 oct. just a simple letter.

heard from my colleague, theresa, tt one of the newly hired engineers tendered his resignation. another cause of my no gd feeling of the day.

another day past missing u...

Category: 0 comments

day 1

the first day without u.

it makes me wonder if u are alrite now in the flight...
it makes me wonder if u are resting or doing your last min preparation for your presentation...
it makes me wonder if u are gd wif your newly made frens...
it makes me wonder if u will fgt tt i am right here waiting...
it makes me wonder when will u be touching down...
it makes me wonder what have u been doing...

as for me,
reached home b4 9pm...
had a gd home cooked fd...
and i did smth vr terrible today.

i accidentally kicked on yuan yuan!!! hee. and poor thing, she spinned on the floor with four legs up!!! hehe...

have been busy at work today but was really glad u acc me for lunch.
at least a short meet up b4 u left for the nxt 10days...i would be so boreddd...aihhhsss...

attended 2 meetings in a day. no customers but with internal bosses.
more work to do. more stress. more to accomplish. but i will work harder!

i am nw counting down tt you will be bc soon...

and tts day 1 without you...


Category: 0 comments


9 oct 2010

marks the official ending of my student life.

hv been looking forward to this day, and when the day did arrive...

no more feelings.

as i hv left ums for quite some time.

so it doesnt really matter anymore.


i hv got what i wanted.

but upon stepping back into ums again,

flash backs keep flowing in...
telling me tt,
i was once thr.

whr i met wonderful friends.
whr i learnt a hard lesson.
whr i found a treasure.

but stepping into a smaller scale, my familiar hideout, a place whr i used to depend and rely so much in the later yrs of uni life has turned to be a place tt i feel so unfamiliar. so strange.

i felt so cold in thr.
so abandon.
in just
5 mths...

heart aching. so much of memories. be it gd or bad. they are part of me tt i truly cherish.
i didnt expect tt to happen as soon as i hv left.
it feels so much of wiping me off from thr.


Category: 0 comments

my dream...

the best picture that i ever captured would be this.


a picture speaks thousand words.

i do not know them but they caught my attention.
not a rare scene, but the first time ever tt i manage to immortalise such a scene.
no posing.
no acting.

a spontaneous capture.

just by the way they crossed the road, hand in hand, touched deeply into my heart...

it may look easy...
how many have successfully done it...

what i really want,
in my life,

would be what i have captured today...

Category: 1 comments

i heart this


Category: 1 comments


disappointment, one aft another. everytime i hope and pray for the best but in the end, things jst hv to turn sour and ugly.

why must it be like this?
am i over demanding?

i am jst so confused.
so upset.

once again, i hv to face the fact tt

i am actually a no one
i hv got no say
i am taken for granted

no matter hw hard i hv tried, hw much of effort i hv put in, all down the drain...
jst like tt...

i am being extremely stupid.

perhaps, i cant think like the flock of the first class ppl do.
tts y i cant understd.
tts y i fail.


the snapping bc was really heart aching.

'she is my fren, not urs...'
' i know wad i am doing'

great and brilliant things to say to keep my mouth shut.

frens, u call them.
correction, true frens.
then stab u bc with these hurtful remarks.
i might hv been too naive.

and what i hv got at the end of the day?




i hope i learn my lesson this time.

Category: 0 comments

this blog is for the person who invited me over for soup and the person who taught me mushroom soup =]

first and foremost.

ah cheng
for inviting me over for ABC soup tonight.


i think the true credit goes to uncle for making the soup lar~


thank yousssssss...aft so long of being away from home, mou tam hou sek. at least tonite i hv got soup from home.

tou xia. arigatou. xiexie.


and uncle say tmr got lok mei thong~
*so happy*


not forgetting to thank my sifu who taught me how to make mushroom soup via msn. hehe.


thanks lots. though u dn hv the chance to taste but my fren say not bad la. stil got room of improvement gehh...pls be proud of ur student la ya...hehe...

as promised, i present to you, the mushroom soup

by the way, today i had a vr delicious lunch.
canton-i serves gd char xiu fan. thanks to my aunt for the treat.


i am so blessed.

Category: 0 comments

homemaker aint easy...

this mth has been extremely depressing. i would js wann skip the part.

finally, aft a long wait, i landed pg safely on 21st may. i am home. but all alone.
not much of a difference wen i was bc in sabah.

alone. again.

but it is definitely better to be whr i belong.
at least i could drive down to jln delima to get ah cheng, farlim to get jian or to turf club to get clarissa or terengganu road to find my cousins and grab my favourite laksa.

today marks the second day of my home alone.
for the first time, i prepared myself a meal. though not complete, i prepared the meal.

from going to market to get the ingredients to cooking.


not an easy task.
waking up early in the morning, trying to get a carpark, going through crowds of aunties and uncles are rather frustating. not forgetting the noises.
needed a great amt of patience to go through all these.

surprisingly, i survived! hahha.

and so, proudly presents my meal of the day
not a scrumptious meal but as i hv said, i prepared.


first time i stir fried chicken. not bad the taste with steam four season beans.

no more rice at home. only brown rice which is a big no-no to me so i had tomyum maggie



bitter gourd soup.

sobs. failure. too much water dyy~

being a homemaker aint easy at all...
i really salute my mom.

Category: 2 comments

a piece to share...

came across smth really interesting when reading stephanie's blog. its a speech by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988). He was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony.

not the full speech though, extracted what really caught me...

''The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.''

i do not know how true this is but at certain extent, i agree. up till now, i cant see anything great in it. perhaps, i really hv lost the passion of all this. jaded, i am. but i really envy those who are in it. sounds contradicting? i know. not my obligation to explain anyway.

lecturers, in the same industry, share the same piece of thought. i might be wrong in my observations of my lecturers in my university but they do give me the feeling tt they value the master students (and the potential master students) more. from the way they try to sell the goodness of masters' degrees.

and for the full speech, click here.

Category: 0 comments

my last paper in my life.

and so i handed in the last paper in my life.

i was in mixed feelings.
happy it was over.
at the same time worried i would flunk the paper. *fingers crossed

whatever it is, i am glad tt i hv got someone to share wif once again.

someone tt i would like to cherish.

someone tt i would like to gif it a try again.

i hope this time i could do better.

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Being Human

i hv alw looked forward to jack neo's production and this has not failed me despite of wad has happened to him recently.

i find tt the theme song of the movie is meaningful so would like to share...












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my little escape from reality

had a five-day escapedition.

it was great.

but the only drawbc tt i could nt fully njoy

two more papers and two presentations.

anyway, it was a gd one aftall...

thx for the effort and the company


Category: 0 comments

life is really so unpredictable...

receiving a call from suding was heart warming.
today i received a piece of bad news from her.

nth abt me.

nth abt anyone in my circle of frens.

but i am absolutely sad knowing abt the news.
cos it makes me feel life is sometimes so fragile and hopeless...

weeks ago, suding told me abt her best friend getting married and i could feel the excitement she has and today she told me tt the fiance walked out of her best friend's life cos he was not ready for a marriage life.

in the midst of preparation...
in the midst of all hope and excitement...
in the midst of walking together into the future...

and in split second



when she described to me the planning of the wedding, it was like a fairy tale. everything sounds perfect.

and now.

it is left a dream...


Category: 3 comments


true i am drowned deep in depression lately and the smiles i hv got are not genuine. i hv lost myself. the once happy-go-lucky me has gone far far far away...

i was once a positive person. -was-
and now i am trying to be what i was.

the climb is so hard. especially when i look bc at the things i hv been doing. none tt i am proud of. none tt i feel satisfied. none. this drives me into a more negative self.

i jst dn feel right. dn feel gd. it could be my mindset. it could be the people ard me. i duno. i keep getting demoralising remarks. gestures and responses tt dn make me feel gd. all negatives.

blogging is gd. so tt i could channel all rubbish here and fgt abt it.

final yr, final sem and all i could spill is sad post.
hw depressing...

and i effing hate sad post. whr else can i spill then?

if i cont to throw tantrum, everyone is going to stay away.
if i cont to be temperamental, no one is going to stay.

so, is it me? or is it my reaction towards the surrounding?

is kk tt bad? or is it the people here tt make it bad?

suffocation. all i know. for now.

Category: 0 comments

eve of submission

and now the eve of submission of my report.

i am truly disappointed with myself in handling things.
i am mad and angry with myself for being so weak the past one wk.

i am all enveloped in mixed feelings.


and at the same time, i wish i could put the blame. but i could not. i do not know why am i in this position right now. correct, i admit, i hv been slacking. but all this while, i hv been and things dn go this ugly and sour. til the extent i hv to break down - (once again.) the last was when i was pushed away from going to the airport. and i experienced it again ytd. a feeling tt was so bad tt i could feel myself shivering. hving to hide under the table and wrapped myself up.

what was worst, my hp out of sudden had no access. meaning i hv got no access to the outside world besides msn.

no human.
no voice.
no one.

made me feel so lonely. so empty. so cold. so pathetic. so helpless. so weak.
physically. mentally. psychologically. shattered. into pieces.



who gives empty promises.
who takes things for granted.

so much tt i am angry with this person but at the same time who am i if he has not been thr.
i am provided with lots of convenience but does it mean all this could be used to cover the heartache caused?
i do not know if this is not counting my blessings and being discontented but all i know is i am disappointed. i am mad. i am angry. i am guilty. i am pissed off.
whatever i hv said earlier, fell on deaf ears and the blame goes to i do not want to listen and want to do things my way. if tt is really what i wanted, this would not be happening. i would be sailing smoothly doing my way.

its js so difficult. part of me appreciates and another part of me tells me this person is gd in disguise. if this is really so, i hv been foolish to be so true and sincere. i really hope it is not the latter.

so much of unpleasantness. so much of madness. and all happens before i am leaving. a place i truly dn belong.

how am i supposed to trust anymore tt when u are true and sincere, u gain the same bc. i dn feel the equivalence out of a sudden.

somethings jst cant mend. cant cure. the damage done is done. compensation does not work.

i hope the hatred towards this person stops aft this post.

Category: 0 comments

i am sorry.

i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry

i do not know how many of these i hv typed. i typed. swear. no matter hw many i hv typed, they could not heal the person i hv hurt. i could not mend the wreck. the best solution is nvr start a wreck. but i alr did. i hope you wil understd if you happen to read my blog. its just so hard to be my fren...pls let bygones be bygones...

Category: 0 comments

my personality failure.

i shd be doing my fyp now but i could not.

for my mind is really in stressed mode.
all enveloped in negative thoughts.

i am unhappy today. in fact, i hv been unhappy for weeks. i see everything grey, make every judgment in negative manner. worst of all, i hv to admit, i really hate myself at this point. this might not be the lowest point of my life but it is definitely causing an impact in me. a deep one, in fact. i even tot of ending this unhappy life. if i could donate, i would want to donate mine to those who really need it. the psychological scars can nvr heal and constantly keep hitting me. the only drawbc, the only reason i am hanging on, my mom.

i do not know if i hv trusted the right person. or perhaps, what i am doing now is just plainly rubbish. tt has got no value. and tt gives the best explanation to what i am experiencing now. thinking bc, i might hv put too much faith. which has now collapsed.

i think i hv to learn.

tt things said are usually said, for the sake of saying.
tt humans tend to take things for granted.
tt humans prioritise what benefits them first.
tt frens appear to be true on the surface but deep under they jst dn gif a damn.
tt help offered not necessarily helping, plainly jst saying.

i hv to learn again.

not to gif too much of faith.
not to trust.
not to believe.
not to hope.
not to keep trusting and kill myself with disappointments aft disappointments.

and equipped wif this, i shall face the world as a hypocrite.

but i do not want to be like tt.

i want to hv faith.
i want to trust.
i want to believe.
i want to have hope.
i want to be true and sincere to everyone even when they fail me.
i seriously want to...

but i am failed.
inside out.

Category: 2 comments


march has been a killer mth to me.
the hardest mth for me to face.
no. definitely not cos of fyp submission drawing near nor any assignments going to due soon.

it has been the month of my biggest loss in my life.

a loss tt i hv regretted. til now. wic i hv been trapping myself in tt prison.
a loss tt thr is no replacement could be done.
a loss tt i wish it nvr happened to me.
a loss tt made me incomplete.
a loss tt tear me apart ever since.
a loss tt caused a psychological scar tt will nvr heal.
a loss tt has turned me into a different person.
a loss tt has made me realise i hv been taking things for granted.
a loss tt taught me a tough lesson.
a loss tt hit me hard.
a loss tt made me depressed.

and on the coming 30th of march would mark the 7 yrs of loss...

Category: 1 comments

if only...

upon receiving the 3 emails as a result of my inquiry last semester this morning has pricked the part of me tt i hate.

the emails are like a reminder to me, there are things in life tt u jst hv to let go...

i hate giving up.
i hate letting go.
especially when i am the one hanging on and people ard u start losing faith and convince u tt giving up is the better choice...

perhaps, sometimes, it is...

i hv come to learn tt the hard way, yrs ago, i had to, with no choice. everyone was against me...everyone...what choice was i left then? i prayed hard for miracles to happen, the only choice i was left with. but. my prayers were not heard...

my past has taught me so and even though i hv changed, the thought of giving up still hurts...
it does not feel good...jst like something amiss...something incomplete...something not in place...something jst so wrong...

if only i could be bold enough, leaving all things behind and take the route not taken..

if only i could erase all past and release myself from being a prisoner of the past...

if only i could make the incomplete complete...

if only...

p/s - jst wanna spill a piece of my thought..may sound a little gloomy but i am perfectly fine...

Category: 3 comments

gd student vs teachers of various kinds...

gd student here is defined as the student who has not been late and has been in gd attitudes.
the teacher is supposed to be those who hv attended several classes with the student.

scenario #1
gd student vs gd teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: it's fine. we have not started much. take your seat and copy from your fren what u hv missed.
student: thank you.

and so u dn really hv to make explanations.

scenario #2
gd student vs so so teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: do not be the next time. now, go get your seat.
student: yes, ma'am.

and so not much explanations needed too.

scenario #3
gd student vs pathetic inflexible teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: reason(s) tt you are late?
student: i missed the bus.
teacher: i do not accept that as a valid reason. u are giving me a very common excuse tt students hv been using. so, why did u miss the bus?
student: i am sorry, i over slept.
teacher: dn u hv an alarm clock? (agitated with sarcasm)
student: yes, i do, ma'am but i was not awaken by the alarm. i...
teacher: so are u telling me tt the alarm clock did not work? stop giving me all sorts of excuses like all your frens did. putting the blame on the bus, the alarm clock and expect me to accept these. regardless of these excuses, it is still your fault for being late. as punishment, stay bc aft cls. now go get your seat.
student: i am sorry, ma'am.

and so the student does not even hv a chance to even make any explanations.

scenario #4
gd student vs pathetic inflexible dictator-like teacher.

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: i do not wann any excuses. go get your seat and as punishment, your assessment of attitude is 0.
student: but i...
teacher: i do not wann to repeat myself. dn u understd english, or u wann me to say again in ur mother tongue? one more word from u, i will fail u.
student: *forced to silence, feeling bad, guilty*

no need explanation, direct sentencing. threatened by the teacher by the word, FAIL. any students HATED tt word. its like a taboo.

scenario #5
gd student vs hidden-venomous teacher.

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: ok, dn hv to explain. go get ur seat and start attending my cls.
student: ok, ma'am. thank you.

so u think tt is the end of it? nope. the final report card is rewarded with,

"bad attitude, late for cls"

this is the type of teacher tt dn take in any explanations, looks rather gd on the surface, seems understanding, some are being close wif u too and spat u from behind...

*to be continued...

Category: 0 comments

hating on the club.

'hating on the club' by rihanna is one of my all-time fav songs. in fact, it has been my ring tone ever since i came to know the song.

it is definitely not the song i am going to blog abt. it is part of the name of the song tt i wann to blog abt.

it was a sudden plan tt my fren wanted to hit the club. i hesitated at first cos

i hv got 2 midterms nxt wk


i promised my fren to help her in writing essays for her scholarship application.

i wanted to fin 'act like a lady, think like a man'

but. (an expected but...hahha)

the nxt thing i knew was, 4 of us in the club.


it was a sad place i would say. it was extremely difficult to get them into euphoric state. the live band was great and thr was a dance floor. problem was, NO ONE ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!

the mood was so down despite of the loud music. ironically, it was rather peaceful...hahha...

fortunately, the atmosphere switched the last one hr we were thr. i was the first to get drunk. yeah, again. my fren had to get me out of the ladies. i did not slp in thr this time. thr was no sofa provided. went into the ladies earlier to prepare the rejection of my fd intake.

finally, the atmosphere did get heated up. i kenot rmb how long we were on the dance floor. all i rmb is, it was tiring. we left aft finishing the bottle of black label. i dn think i finished mine and alr lost the battle with alcohol. lols.

i did not drunk dial anyone this time. phews~ gd thing. but. my fren told me tt i talked alot. alot as in, ALOT. he said tt i kept everything to myself and at one go, i played bc everything tt i hv kept. i talked for 2 hrs non-stop! this is so embarrassing. argh~ i even make complaints on mr. liau in the whole 2-hr session of talking. this is not the worst part yet. the worst was i even said things like jumping down from my hostel. *shake head* i must be vr drunk...

my another fren, not any better, blurted all secrets, slpt in the bath tub, talked non-stop. i guess we were both trying to release stress.

pity another two frens could not rest cos of the need to take care of us. thank yous.

it was madness. spending tt amt of money for this form of escape from the cruel reality temporarily. hangover. waking up wif rashes, sore throat, headache and most of all, heartache...

the nxt time, i will make sure tt i am sober in, sober out. oj, pls.

Category: 0 comments

home, finally.

finally i am home.
its js so gd to be bc to whr i belong to. the excitement in me when touching down was js like at the top of the world. minus the part whr i was in the flight for 3 hrs enduring the kid behind me kicking my seat and another baby crying non-stop along the journey! it was really a mental torture. i effing hate baby cries.
they shd hv a rule tt prohibits cry babies on board! it was really torturing when u try so hard to slp and the baby kept crying. the amazing part is, the baby stopped crying immediately aft the plane landed! so i was thinking if he was in pain or smth during the flight. anyway, ironically, when i saw the baby i could not help it but to flash a smile to him waving gdbye. crazy, i tot he disturbed my slp? orite, babies are innocent...hee...

neway, i am glad tt i am finally home. so gd to see my mom. so gd to go on to my bed. so gd to smell my red blanket. everything is js sooooooooo gd.

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16 yrs of friendship aint easy.
and receiving her call ytd gave me a little cheer on my monotonous saturday. how come i make it sound as though i din receive her call for yrs?! hahha. in actual fact, we did on and off chat over the phone to keep ourselves updated. i noe thr is such thing as msn and it is free but both of us nvr like msn chatting. in fact, we dn like chatting via msn or even the phone. face to face talking is the best for both of us. the interaction is totally different. in short, presence is the key for true mutual communication.

msn could be deceiving. it is difficult to tell the true feelings of the person who is chatting with u. in a way, i like chatting on msn when i wann to hide my true feelings. u could be extremely sad and thr is not much of a problem to type 'hahha' in the chats. trust me, it could really be deceiving. i alw do tt to drive ppl away and from prying into my true emotions. unless u choose to be true to the one chatting with u, else, it is difficult to tell. the drawback of virtual instant messaging.

as for the phone, only voice could be heard. i find it pretty difficult to judge too. but, this option is definitely better than IM. at least, voice could be heard. semi-presence, i call it. the drawback of phone calling is when the connection is lousy. cant really hear what the oth person is talking abt. den this would initiate the spark of being infuriated. u got so fed up tt the line keep cutting. and in the end, would just gif up chatting via the phone. aihss.

but, luckily i had a great and fun chat wif selina ytd. i realised tt what i hv been all this while, she is becoming one too i.e hving a gd heart, holding on to the thinking tt what goes ard comes ard. she told me tt she wanted to do more gd deeds, to help oth, to be gd to oth. tt really brought me to the euphoric state.

she has really changed alot. i still rmb hw selfish she used to be bc in primary sch. cant even borrow things from her. the worst part was during our recess time, i rmb wanting to try the fd tt she brought but she said no to me. walao! but now, she even tapao my fav hokkien mee for me! =] not forgetting, she has alw been my driver ever since she got her license. be it, for tuition, movie, outing, gathering or any occasions, she is the one driving me ard til she got so fed up and alw tel me to get a boyfriend to drive me ard. hahha. what more can i ask for? thank yous!!! =]

i am so grateful tt along the way, many friends come and go, and this SELINA nvr leave. i kind of know her since primary 1, 1 nanas was her cls, mine was 1 limau. i know her existence but we did not really make friends till the streaming of cls in primary 4. 4 betik, 5 betik den out of a sudden they change the name to 6 pintar. i was in 6 pintar den to 6 cerdas. streaming was done and undone. all i rmb was i keep changing cls in primary 6. keep changing clicks too.

i used to be vr close to rani at tt time. thinking bc, my close fren in primary 1 to primary 3 was dhanalaktchmi. i hope i spelled her name correctly. i could still rmb her telling me at tt time her daily pocket money was 50cents. when i knew her, she was alr a single parent child. her father passed away in accident. working in the train station. at tt time, i really pity her. i oso rmb telling my mom abt her story. i was still a happy child bc then. i din noe hw to help her but all i noe was to share things wif her. i really wonder hw she is doing now. the last time i saw her was in secondary sch i guess, when i attended a science exhibition in some sch in prai. aft the stupid streaming of cls, we drifted apart.

i sat beside selina for one yr in 5 betik. the front row. right in front of the black board. the memory was kind of vague but i stil could rmb gaik tin and jie ming were both sitting at the end of our rows. yizhen was behind us if not mistaken. diana and kailyn were another side. i could not rmb at all whr rani, supeng, angela, shareena and huee leng were sitting bc then. all i know is, we were in the same cls. our cls teacher was pn lalitha in primary 4, primary 5 and 6 was pn khoo.

pn khoo, the one who taught us maths. a great teacher. she loved saying, lim ping pong and tan toa pui...k, i did not know whr she got those names from but those names really tickled us during maths cls. up til today, i stil rmb her. and during wesak day, i alw see her tapao-ing fd from the same vegetarian restaurant. i used to approach her but the recent one tt i saw her in island glades, i did not do so. i was so shy to approach her, fearing tt she might hv forgotten me already. its embarrassing but come to think of it, i shd hv said hi even if she really has forgotten me. i shd hv let her noe tt she is not forgotten. i blif if i were to greet her tt day, she would be so happy to her achievement tt thr is stil a student remembering her. regret for not listening to my mom.

whatever it is, i am glad tt these people crossed my life. they made me who i am today. special thanks to SELINA TAN who stayed with me for 16 yrs. we shall celebrate when hit 20 yrs!


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the imbalance part of me, lately.

for quite some time, as the time of my flight draws nearer, the worry of missing flight increases.
paranoia, maybe. though i hv nvr missed any flights before, the worry is just thr.

i am so worried tt i would miss my flight home lately till i could not really fall in a peaceful slp. i fall aslp easily but i would jump up from my slp out of a sudden thinking if i overslept. it sounds crazy i know but the insecurity is thr. i kenot take it if i were to miss flight and got stranded here. i think i would go berserk, insane, crazy, mad, whatever u call it, i would.

and for the first time ever tt i hv got a chance to pro-long a longer cny holiday, i didnt do it. surprisingly, i noe. i, myself is surprised too. thinking tt i dn hv much time left here, i finally made the decision of sticking to the initial airtics booked. besides, i am a person who is lazy enough to go for such trouble. not forgetting tt, it is darn inconvenient to go to the so-called city to change the tickets. i am just too lazy to attend to such unnecessary troubles. besides, the sales office is full of unfriendly employees. i hv been thr once to change my ticket wif my fren cos we booked wrongly and the lady who attended to us was extremely rude! argh~ i just hate people with no manners. fine, not like i am filled with manners but at least when i was in the service line, i hv not anyhow throw my anger to my customers nor hv i ever displayed any sour face to them even when the customers were being unreasonable at times. anyway, i hope i will not regret. make it the last try tt i am giving to sabah. hahha. though i really doubt tt its going to be fun here. my fren regretted the first time he stayed for cny here, wad do i expect? alrite, not like i am staying for cny. jst merely wanting to make complaints over the decision of not changing the tickets. hehe.

*fingers crossed* no regrets, hopefully...

jst some incidents tt i think worth pondering...
last tuesday was disastrous. hving the heart to offer help and at the end of the day, it turned out to be unpleasant. it was madness. i admit tt i was extremely pissed off. i hv no idea how to explain the anger but it was an anger tt really got me boiling to a point tt i think would hit me with high blood pressure. called my mom to spill. then, how easily my anger subsided, aft taking a nap of 15 mins. i was too angry till fell aslp immediately. walao...i seriously hate being this angry. fortunately, i am gifted in a way tt i dn bring forward my anger. it was instantaneous. and while i am writing this, thinking bc, it was stupid being angry. it was more to disappointment than anger actually. anyway, let bygones be bygones. i hope the nxt time if such thing happens again, i would care less on the matter. as such, i would not hurt myself. anyway, humans tend to take things for granted. i, myself do tt too...

tuesday did not end jst like tt. it was a frisbee day! i hv been waiting for the day...phews~ i was so touched tt day. saved by the bell. went out to release all remaining stress accumulated on tt day. my roommate, mingrei, deliberately acc me to frisbee neglecting her lab report. she was aware tt i was unhappy on tt day. she even got infuriated tt i brought my unhappiness together. i am sorry. a really big thank you for tt. and oso to candis who brought us thr. the first time tt i joined in the real game. omg. it was extremely exhausting. came bc with every part of body aching. must be age is catching up. it was a great experience. hving to run real hard. a stress releasing activity, i would say and no, frisbee is not for doggies, my fren...

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ping yang's birthday

this is a back dated entry.
for his birthday is on 3rd feb.

it was a simple but fulfilling meal for his birthday. 7 of us. wenhao, xinweilian, weisheng, sia, star and me. k, cheelin was missing. he had to attend to his gf~ what a pity...
we had dinner at the kopitiam below the ang's hotel. the food was overall not bad but the wait was so terrible. -ugh- the service was bad too. the old lady who took our order was rude and vr unfriendly. but what to do, we wanted to eat gd fd. we waited for abt an hr js to get our seats. tt really made me think if sabahans dn cook at home~ why is everyone dining out???

anyway, luckily the food turned out to be worth-the-wait.
or else, i would be cursing liao.
(wads so gd sbh? eat oso need to wait. with tt kind of lousy service.)
tts me. hehe.

herbal trotter ^^
all of us loved this dish. finished in less than 5 mins!!!

chicken wings^^
a little too sweet for me but i still like the taste.

my fav kailan^^

winter melon soup^^
according to ws, it was abit bland but it was still ok with me.
the taste is refreshing.

fried pai ku^^

the birthday cake!!!

and here comes the birthday boy!!!
this pic was candid. can see tt he was vr happy from his broad smile


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30 jan 2010

before anything else tt i am going to blog,

HaPPy BiRThDaY, jIaN!!!


may all ur dreams come true and nvr fgt to share ur fortune!!!

well, my 30 jan 2010 was a great one. a livelier saturday.

the annual chinese new yr festival celebration which they call it PAP here was awesome. had an enjoyable night. the performances were exciting but the lucky draw was bad. fine, it was described as bad cos i did not get any prize....sour grape, i final yr, final sem....*fingers crossed* hopefully it is...

i tawt of like at least gif me smth to grasp on b4 leaving here but nope. no luck for such lucky draw. anyway, all in all, most importantly, i enjoyed myself throughout the night!! minus the part tt i kena prank from my fren lar...thinking bc, i am like so bimbo larr...easily kena usual...hahha...

fortunately, the prank was a hilarious one la though it really proved tt how bimbotic i was...ish...cant help laughing to myself for tt...

i am glad tt 30 jan ended with lots of laughters and heart warming moments. special thank yous to those who had made my day a little livelier on a weekend.

the one who pranked me happily, man on 7.
the same style bimbotic roommate of mine, mingrei.
the one who alw thinks i absorb people's luck, sprite.
the one whose bday celebrated wif my tambun biscuit, yuen fern.
the cute, sporting, out-going, fren to all, petite, candis garner.

thank yous

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the change.

by right, with my character, i shd be feeling sad tt things are reshuffling.
i do not know why, looking at my frens shifting, i am not heavy hearted at all. i feel a little heartless. perhaps, i really dn belong here...

what is happening to me? hw come i dn feel sad or being heavy hearted at all?
this change is scary...making me into a cold hearted person...

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pics worth sharing.

let the pics do most of the talking.
js captions of descriptions.

in miri.

the laksa sarawak tt i tried in miri.
my first breakfast thr. tasted not bad. but not spicy enough.

the yau cha kaoy with kaya. i like this one.
different from those in penang.

erm, i dn rmb what this is. but its a type of dessert lar.
red beans with coconut milk if not wrong.

this is what i really like abt miri.
they hv got a park which is scenic and worth a visit.
on top of tt, their park is CLEAN and well-maintained.
unfortunately, i only hv these two waterfall pics. the rest are with coursemates.

well, we had a chance to get a glimpse on those private ships.
special thx to louise's aunt for taking us thr.
we felt like 'gem of life' at tt time. *winks*

the place whr we had our delicious dinner with the host in miri.

only had the chance to capture two pics of what we had tt night.
everyone was hungry and the dishes were 'attacked' once served. hehe.

in sibu.

the famous kolo mee in sibu. sing yii's and sia's treat.
cos they were our host in sibu. thank youss.

desserts tt we tried in 冰城.
the only place i could rmb the name cos it is like penang.
cant rmb each and every of them.
only rmb the one i tried, mango was a thumb up. =]

fine, i know this pic is rather weird fitting in here.
took it cos i find it cute and sweet.
right aft we had the desserts, we left the shop with all smiles and these penguins caught my attention. ^^

the breakfast. a meal tt i would not fgt.
cos it was home cooked and prepared by sing yii's mom.
it was very, extremely DELICIOUS.
for the soup was cooked with their traditionally made liquor. yummy ^^
if i did not rmb wrongly, i think i refilled. hehe. k, everyone did i think~

a closer look of the mee suah.
it looks plain but the taste was really AWESOME.

the fried bean curd.

the fried yam cake.

the fried ice cream.

all the 3 light snacks were highly recommended.
though all fried, the taste of each of them is one of its kind.
i like the fried ice cream and the yam. a must try.

the pasar malam we visited in sibu.
for the first time, i experienced what u call tolerance, respect and harmony.
hv a visit thr and you will noe what i mean.

hardly can see such road sign in pg.
they are all over in sibu.

oh! my favourite. the 3 layers milk tea~
the third layer is the wheatgrass juice.
makes a gd combination.

the reason this was taken. its our shop! E&E ! hahha.
from left, sing yii. my lucky star. sia. me. tua pek kong. bhoe. ws.
dn ask me, i dn rmb whr xinweilian and cheelin went dy.

in kuching.

my first breakfast in kuching. kolo mee (again). hahha.
swk is famous for kolo me lar.
i think every meal we had in swk we did not miss ordering kolo mee.
to try which is the best. kekek.
this shop is located at the china street but i cant specifically rmb the name of the shop.
all i rmb is the shop owner was a friendly man.

the first place tt we visited when we were in kuching was the chinese museum.
nth much in kuching actually, we visited museums and walked alot thr.

our gp photo. minus me lar. hehe.
from left. star. xinweilian. cheelin. pingyang. weisheng. bhoe. eelein.

the koay chap tt we had when taking the gp pic. yummy kaoy chap!

the only reason i took this pic of the shop cos it reminded me abt my supervisor.
hahha ^^
well, he has been guiding me alot and so everywhr i go, things like tt would remind me of him.

i duno why every single time they try reading the map, they prefer doing it under the bright sun. @.@

for i love fishing, it is irresistible for me to take a pic on tt.
if only pg has a place like tt for me to go fishing.
it was right under the jetty.

the place tt is opposite the river.
we did not get to go in. duno wad palace. cant rmb dy.

oh, we found ourselves 'displayed' in one of the museums. hahha.

some of the collections in the museum.

this was taken cos of tt FORT MARGHERITA.
walao eh, horrendous. cos we had to go like jungle trekking but luckily we managed to free ourselves. phews~

this is the part tt created the unnecessary pressure during our one wk swk trip!
he brought his FYP REPORT along for his FYP2!!!
fine, lecturers love this type of student, i cant agree more. hehe.
well, we ignored him totally. hahhaha.

and this was hw we ignored him. even his gf oso no eye see! hehe.
and tt was my bed he sleeping on! ish.

the not-so-nice soya bean. in fact, it is tasteless.

fried mamak noodle.

fried mee suah.

sweet and sour fish + rice.

tomato sauce koay teow.

thx to bernard and mei yun for bringing the 8 of us to aft3 cafe in kuching. had a vr satisfying dinner thr. the fd tt we ordered were gd except for the soya bean. it was REALLY tasteless.

this is blended coconut + blended barley.
special and worth a try. i personally like it alot.
cant get it in pg.

the cinema tt is located in The Spring. looks like star walk~

well, kolo mee (again). hahha. the last tt i had before leaving for pg.

fried oyster. so so so diff from the one in pg. theirs is crispy.

they hv got pork satay!!!

fried carrot cake. sweet one. not my taste.

i LOVE this. the chicken rice is so darn cheap.
and it tasted not bad.
guess wad, the drinks tt we ordered were more expensive than the rice. ^^

the receipt of our cheap yet delicious chicken rice.
one of the views in kuching.

and i would like to end this entry with the pic of kuching.
how can a city of cat w/o a pic of cat? lols.

overall, i had a fun trip with my lovely coursemates.
a vr memorable one indeed.

thank yous.

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