march has been a killer mth to me.
the hardest mth for me to face.
no. definitely not cos of fyp submission drawing near nor any assignments going to due soon.

it has been the month of my biggest loss in my life.

a loss tt i hv regretted. til now. wic i hv been trapping myself in tt prison.
a loss tt thr is no replacement could be done.
a loss tt i wish it nvr happened to me.
a loss tt made me incomplete.
a loss tt tear me apart ever since.
a loss tt caused a psychological scar tt will nvr heal.
a loss tt has turned me into a different person.
a loss tt has made me realise i hv been taking things for granted.
a loss tt taught me a tough lesson.
a loss tt hit me hard.
a loss tt made me depressed.

and on the coming 30th of march would mark the 7 yrs of loss...

Category: 1 comments

if only...

upon receiving the 3 emails as a result of my inquiry last semester this morning has pricked the part of me tt i hate.

the emails are like a reminder to me, there are things in life tt u jst hv to let go...

i hate giving up.
i hate letting go.
especially when i am the one hanging on and people ard u start losing faith and convince u tt giving up is the better choice...

perhaps, sometimes, it is...

i hv come to learn tt the hard way, yrs ago, i had to, with no choice. everyone was against me...everyone...what choice was i left then? i prayed hard for miracles to happen, the only choice i was left with. but. my prayers were not heard...

my past has taught me so and even though i hv changed, the thought of giving up still hurts...
it does not feel good...jst like something amiss...something incomplete...something not in place...something jst so wrong...

if only i could be bold enough, leaving all things behind and take the route not taken..

if only i could erase all past and release myself from being a prisoner of the past...

if only i could make the incomplete complete...

if only...

p/s - jst wanna spill a piece of my thought..may sound a little gloomy but i am perfectly fine...

Category: 3 comments

gd student vs teachers of various kinds...

gd student here is defined as the student who has not been late and has been in gd attitudes.
the teacher is supposed to be those who hv attended several classes with the student.

scenario #1
gd student vs gd teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: it's fine. we have not started much. take your seat and copy from your fren what u hv missed.
student: thank you.

and so u dn really hv to make explanations.

scenario #2
gd student vs so so teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: do not be the next time. now, go get your seat.
student: yes, ma'am.

and so not much explanations needed too.

scenario #3
gd student vs pathetic inflexible teacher

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: reason(s) tt you are late?
student: i missed the bus.
teacher: i do not accept that as a valid reason. u are giving me a very common excuse tt students hv been using. so, why did u miss the bus?
student: i am sorry, i over slept.
teacher: dn u hv an alarm clock? (agitated with sarcasm)
student: yes, i do, ma'am but i was not awaken by the alarm. i...
teacher: so are u telling me tt the alarm clock did not work? stop giving me all sorts of excuses like all your frens did. putting the blame on the bus, the alarm clock and expect me to accept these. regardless of these excuses, it is still your fault for being late. as punishment, stay bc aft cls. now go get your seat.
student: i am sorry, ma'am.

and so the student does not even hv a chance to even make any explanations.

scenario #4
gd student vs pathetic inflexible dictator-like teacher.

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: i do not wann any excuses. go get your seat and as punishment, your assessment of attitude is 0.
student: but i...
teacher: i do not wann to repeat myself. dn u understd english, or u wann me to say again in ur mother tongue? one more word from u, i will fail u.
student: *forced to silence, feeling bad, guilty*

no need explanation, direct sentencing. threatened by the teacher by the word, FAIL. any students HATED tt word. its like a taboo.

scenario #5
gd student vs hidden-venomous teacher.

student: sorry, i am late.
teacher: ok, dn hv to explain. go get ur seat and start attending my cls.
student: ok, ma'am. thank you.

so u think tt is the end of it? nope. the final report card is rewarded with,

"bad attitude, late for cls"

this is the type of teacher tt dn take in any explanations, looks rather gd on the surface, seems understanding, some are being close wif u too and spat u from behind...

*to be continued...

Category: 0 comments