my last paper in my life.

and so i handed in the last paper in my life.

i was in mixed feelings.
happy it was over.
at the same time worried i would flunk the paper. *fingers crossed

whatever it is, i am glad tt i hv got someone to share wif once again.

someone tt i would like to cherish.

someone tt i would like to gif it a try again.

i hope this time i could do better.




Category: 0 comments

Being Human

i hv alw looked forward to jack neo's production and this has not failed me despite of wad has happened to him recently.

i find tt the theme song of the movie is meaningful so would like to share...

“做人”

有些东西本来很简单

有些事情不一定是那样

有些人过不了自己那关

结果把简单的事情弄乱

有些手法不需要耍手段

有些做法也不需要野蛮

有些道理根本不需要人讲

有些东西不管怎样你都会不满


做人要看开一点点
工作要认真一点
对人要随便一点点
生活就会自在一点


悲伤时要快乐一点
快乐时要注意一点
生气时要平静一点
人生就会完美一点

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my little escape from reality

had a five-day escapedition.

it was great.
awesome.

but the only drawbc tt i could nt fully njoy

two more papers and two presentations.

anyway, it was a gd one aftall...

thx for the effort and the company

=]



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life is really so unpredictable...

receiving a call from suding was heart warming.
but
today i received a piece of bad news from her.

nth abt me.

nth abt anyone in my circle of frens.

but i am absolutely sad knowing abt the news.
cos it makes me feel life is sometimes so fragile and hopeless...

weeks ago, suding told me abt her best friend getting married and i could feel the excitement she has and today she told me tt the fiance walked out of her best friend's life cos he was not ready for a marriage life.

in the midst of preparation...
in the midst of all hope and excitement...
in the midst of walking together into the future...

and in split second

everything

collapsed.

when she described to me the planning of the wedding, it was like a fairy tale. everything sounds perfect.

and now.

it is left a dream...

=[


Category: 3 comments

rubbish

true i am drowned deep in depression lately and the smiles i hv got are not genuine. i hv lost myself. the once happy-go-lucky me has gone far far far away...

i was once a positive person. -was-
and now i am trying to be what i was.

the climb is so hard. especially when i look bc at the things i hv been doing. none tt i am proud of. none tt i feel satisfied. none. this drives me into a more negative self.

i jst dn feel right. dn feel gd. it could be my mindset. it could be the people ard me. i duno. i keep getting demoralising remarks. gestures and responses tt dn make me feel gd. all negatives.

blogging is gd. so tt i could channel all rubbish here and fgt abt it.

final yr, final sem and all i could spill is sad post.
hw depressing...

and i effing hate sad post. whr else can i spill then?

if i cont to throw tantrum, everyone is going to stay away.
if i cont to be temperamental, no one is going to stay.

so, is it me? or is it my reaction towards the surrounding?

is kk tt bad? or is it the people here tt make it bad?

suffocation. all i know. for now.

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eve of submission

and now the eve of submission of my report.

i am truly disappointed with myself in handling things.
i am mad and angry with myself for being so weak the past one wk.

i am all enveloped in mixed feelings.

perplexed.
lost.
sad.
upset.
disappointed.
helpless.
guilty.

and at the same time, i wish i could put the blame. but i could not. i do not know why am i in this position right now. correct, i admit, i hv been slacking. but all this while, i hv been and things dn go this ugly and sour. til the extent i hv to break down - (once again.) the last was when i was pushed away from going to the airport. and i experienced it again ytd. a feeling tt was so bad tt i could feel myself shivering. hving to hide under the table and wrapped myself up.

what was worst, my hp out of sudden had no access. meaning i hv got no access to the outside world besides msn.

no human.
no voice.
no one.

made me feel so lonely. so empty. so cold. so pathetic. so helpless. so weak.
physically. mentally. psychologically. shattered. into pieces.

____________________________________________________________________

I HATE THIS PERSON.

who gives empty promises.
who takes things for granted.

so much tt i am angry with this person but at the same time who am i if he has not been thr.
i am provided with lots of convenience but does it mean all this could be used to cover the heartache caused?
i do not know if this is not counting my blessings and being discontented but all i know is i am disappointed. i am mad. i am angry. i am guilty. i am pissed off.
whatever i hv said earlier, fell on deaf ears and the blame goes to i do not want to listen and want to do things my way. if tt is really what i wanted, this would not be happening. i would be sailing smoothly doing my way.

its js so difficult. part of me appreciates and another part of me tells me this person is gd in disguise. if this is really so, i hv been foolish to be so true and sincere. i really hope it is not the latter.

so much of unpleasantness. so much of madness. and all happens before i am leaving. a place i truly dn belong.

how am i supposed to trust anymore tt when u are true and sincere, u gain the same bc. i dn feel the equivalence out of a sudden.

somethings jst cant mend. cant cure. the damage done is done. compensation does not work.

i hope the hatred towards this person stops aft this post.

Category: 0 comments

i am sorry.

i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry
i am sorry

i do not know how many of these i hv typed. i typed. swear. no matter hw many i hv typed, they could not heal the person i hv hurt. i could not mend the wreck. the best solution is nvr start a wreck. but i alr did. i hope you wil understd if you happen to read my blog. its just so hard to be my fren...pls let bygones be bygones...

Category: 0 comments

my personality failure.

i shd be doing my fyp now but i could not.

for my mind is really in stressed mode.
all enveloped in negative thoughts.

i am unhappy today. in fact, i hv been unhappy for weeks. i see everything grey, make every judgment in negative manner. worst of all, i hv to admit, i really hate myself at this point. this might not be the lowest point of my life but it is definitely causing an impact in me. a deep one, in fact. i even tot of ending this unhappy life. if i could donate, i would want to donate mine to those who really need it. the psychological scars can nvr heal and constantly keep hitting me. the only drawbc, the only reason i am hanging on, my mom.

i do not know if i hv trusted the right person. or perhaps, what i am doing now is just plainly rubbish. tt has got no value. and tt gives the best explanation to what i am experiencing now. thinking bc, i might hv put too much faith. which has now collapsed.

i think i hv to learn.

tt things said are usually said, for the sake of saying.
tt humans tend to take things for granted.
tt humans prioritise what benefits them first.
tt frens appear to be true on the surface but deep under they jst dn gif a damn.
tt help offered not necessarily helping, plainly jst saying.

i hv to learn again.

not to gif too much of faith.
not to trust.
not to believe.
not to hope.
not to keep trusting and kill myself with disappointments aft disappointments.

and equipped wif this, i shall face the world as a hypocrite.

but i do not want to be like tt.

i want to hv faith.
i want to trust.
i want to believe.
i want to have hope.
i want to be true and sincere to everyone even when they fail me.
i seriously want to...

but i am failed.
inside out.












Category: 2 comments