i shd be doing my fyp now but i could not.
for my mind is really in stressed mode.
all enveloped in negative thoughts.
i am unhappy today. in fact, i hv been unhappy for weeks. i see everything grey, make every judgment in negative manner. worst of all, i hv to admit, i really hate myself at this point. this might not be the lowest point of my life but it is definitely causing an impact in me. a deep one, in fact. i even tot of ending this unhappy life. if i could donate, i would want to donate mine to those who really need it. the psychological scars can nvr heal and constantly keep hitting me. the only drawbc, the only reason i am hanging on, my mom.
i do not know if i hv trusted the right person. or perhaps, what i am doing now is just plainly rubbish. tt has got no value. and tt gives the best explanation to what i am experiencing now. thinking bc, i might hv put too much faith. which has now collapsed.
i think i hv to learn.
tt things said are usually said, for the sake of saying.
tt humans tend to take things for granted.
tt humans prioritise what benefits them first.
tt frens appear to be true on the surface but deep under they jst dn gif a damn.
tt help offered not necessarily helping, plainly jst saying.
i hv to learn again.
not to gif too much of faith.
not to trust.
not to believe.
not to hope.
not to keep trusting and kill myself with disappointments aft disappointments.
and equipped wif this, i shall face the world as a hypocrite.
but i do not want to be like tt.
i want to hv faith.
i want to trust.
i want to believe.
i want to have hope.
i want to be true and sincere to everyone even when they fail me.
i seriously want to...
but i am failed.
inside out.
2 comments:
I have posted this in my msn display..and i wan to tell u again.."A serenity of spirit can only be achieved by being the masters of your actions and attitudes.."
Dont let others' stupidity act influence wat u want to hope and do...tat's wat i believe now. Not easy but trying...let's just together do it? shall we???
thx...i hv lost so much of faith tt i once got...really need to pick up...
i will try...and thx for not giving me up...
i miss all of you...the place and ppl here is killing me...
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